Chains of the Past
by Cassandra Nasrin
Summary: Beka has to overcome her past in order to save her relationship with Dylan.


Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'  
  
- Erich Fromm  
  
Beka Valentine stood on Obs Deck, looking out on the vastness of space. Usually the never-ending stars comforted her. They were her home, where she was born. But today the boundless emptiness of space seemed to mock her, to make her realize just how alone she really was.  
  
When she and Bobby first got involved, she thought he loved her, that she would always be first in his life. After the incident with the Dragans on Earth she had been furious. Beka Valentine NEVER took betrayal lightly, and she had trusted Bobby. He was probably the first person she had ever believed she could depend on. And she turned out to be wrong.  
  
But she cooled off, and he apologized and said he still loved her, and Beka convinced herself that she could deal with taking second place to his cause. Looking back, Beka wondered if she had meant even that to him. Had Bobby loved her, or was their room is his heart only for his cause, his obsession? Or had he loved what she and the Maru could do for his cause? Or had he just needed them?  
  
'Okay, enough of this self-pity Valentine,' Beka scolded herself. 'It's all over, it's time to move on.' She wished Dylan hadn't kicked her off the bridge. If she just had something to focus on she could end this pointless conversation with herself. 'Lovely, I am becoming Rommie.' With that, Beka decided she was headed back to the bridge. "If Dylan doesn't want me, that's too bad for him." Beka turned away from the window and walked smack into a confused looking Dylan Hunt.  
  
Dylan grabbed onto Beka to keep her from knocking him down. He managed to keep them both upright, but her body wound up pressed against his, his hands still on her upper arms. They both looked up at each other and laughed awkwardly. Dylan let go of her and stepped back quickly before her proximity could affect him any further.  
  
"Um, I was just headed back to the bridge," said Beka. "Unless you have something you need me to do?" she added almost hopefully.  
  
"Actually I do," Dylan said softly. "Stay. Talk to me Beka. I'm your friend."  
  
'Dylan's earnest voice and pleading hazel eyes could turn most woman to mush,' thought Beka. She took a deep breath and stiffened her spine against his appeal. "Dylan, I appreciate the concern for my emotional well- being, but I am fine."  
  
"Beka, it's not every that the 'love of your life' dies, comes back to life, kidnaps you, and forces you to kill him. No one would be fine."  
  
"Love of my life," Beka quoted sarcastically. "I was just wondering if Bobby ever loved me or if he just liked the fringe benefits. Using the Maru to run missiles, tricking me into bringing him the Andromeda."  
  
Dylan stayed silent, not sure if Beka was ready to hear his thoughts on the matter.  
  
"Dammit Dylan, this time my running after him nearly got us all killed! For someone who is supposed to be good at looking out for me I sure can be a sucker." She said sarcastically, "I trust you Beka. I need you Beka," and sighed. "He nearly killed you Dylan." Beka's voice sounded tortured.  
  
"Listen to me Beka your loyalty isn't a failing, it's one of your best qualities. Hell I'd be dead several times if it wasn't for you. Bobby, the Magog. We need each other Beka."  
  
"Hey," said Beka, starting to back out of the room, her blue eyes wide with fear. "If there's one thing I'm taking away from this it's that I don't trust or depend on any one."  
  
"Don't you see Dylan. I can't need you. I can't love you. Because you'll make the same choice Bobby did. Your Commonwealth is so much more important to you than me. And I can't go through this again."  
  
Beka Valentine turned and fled.  
  
=========================================  
  
Dylan Hunt walked into the mess the next morning and looked around for his first officer. After she ran from Obs Deck yesterday he had gone back to the bridge, figuring she needed some time alone and would show up in Command when she was ready to see him again. But she had never shown up. According to Andromeda, she had spent the entire evening on the Maru, where Rommie couldn't observe her. Just as Dylan was about to head down to the Maru after her, Beka entered the room.  
  
Dylan looked Beka up and down, checking her out almost automatically before shaking his head to clear it of any non-professional thoughts. Beka certainly looked like she was back to normal. She was wearing her usual tight black leather pants and a crinkly shiny blue tank top that drew his eyes immediately to her chest.  
  
"So, what's the plan for today?" asked Beka as she sat down beside him.  
  
"Hopefully, I will get the Mugani and the colonists a little closer to some kind of settlement. I'm assuming you have repairs to do on the Maru?"  
  
"Of course," sighed Beka. "I made a list last night," she said, holding up a flexi. "It's probably going to take Harper and me at least a couple of days though. And we don't have all the parts we need."  
  
"Fix what you can now, and as soon as we're done with the peace talks we'll go on a supply run. We're not that far from Schopenhauer"  
  
"So, you really think you can get these people to agree on peace terms?" asked Beka.  
  
"If they want to survive, they need each other. I just have to make them see that. Unfortunately, the colonists think negotiating with the natives is beneath them and the Mugani are still pretty worked up about Bobby's having been killed."  
  
"Bobby inspired a lot of devotion," said Beka.  
  
"In certain people," added Dylan with a significant look at Beka. "You never told me how the two of you got back together. If you were so mad at him for lying to you, why did you go back to him?"  
  
So Dylan Hunt was jealous. Beka smiled, a sexual, almost predatory smile. She slid over next to him so that her lips were right against Dylan's ear.  
  
"That's over Dylan. I moved past Bobby a long time ago. I wanted something different…something more." Beka said in a low, sultry whisper.  
  
Dylan swallowed convulsively and turned to face Beka. "This something more, did you find it?"  
  
"Maybe," said Beka as her lips met his.  
  
Beka's lips moved softly, leisurely against his. Dylan reached an arm up to pull Beka closer as he explored the velvety textures of her mouth. Beka's tongue came out to lightly trace around the edge of Dylan's mouth. His lips parted, and she slipped inside, greedy to taste him.  
  
Suddenly the kiss changed, from exploration to hunger. Dylan pulled Beka hard against his body as his tongue tangled with hers. He thrust into her mouth, tasting the bitterness of her coffee mixed with a spice that was pure Beka. Her fingers tangled in the short silky hair at the nape of Dylan's neck, determined to hold him right where he was.  
  
Beka scraped her teeth over Dylan's lower lip, trying to regain control of their kiss. Dylan groaned and tore his mouth away from Beka's, breathing heavily. He stared, enraptured by the movement of her chest as she gasped for air.  
  
"Wow," said Dylan.  
  
"Yeah, wow," added Beka.  
  
"Um," Dylan was very aware that saying the wrong thing right now would screw thing up with Beka big time. Unfortunately, he didn't have a clue what the right thing to say was. Yesterday she had seemed so certain that a relationship with him was not what she wanted. There were so many ways this could blow up in their faces.  
  
"High Guard regulations forbid a captain from being too involved with a crew member," said Dylan. It was apparently one of the wrong things to say.  
  
"Dylan, there isn't even a High Guard anymore to care! We're both adults, we're both starship captains. We know better than to let our sexual relationships interfere with our jobs." Beka was clearly pissed off. She moved closer to Dylan. He was sure she was going to slap him when she leaned over and kissed him.  
  
This kiss was hot and sexual from the beginning. Beka held Dylan's face in her hands as she slipped her tongue into his mouth, kissing him until they were both breathless.  
  
She broke the kiss and looked Dylan right in the eye, telling him, "When you decide what you want, you know where to find me." Beka turned and walked out of the room. 


End file.
